Naaa-neee! Nurse?

Those are probably the two words I hear the most all day long. Not to alarm those who don't already know it, but Jack is still a nursing fiend. I think I always figured I would nurse until he was about two years old, but there were a couple of things I didn't count on. First, is that he would want to do it constantly. Second, is how conflicted I feel about it. I think that maybe I would be more zen about it if it were, say, four or six times a day, but I am not exaggerating when I say it's constant.

There are times when I resent this huge demand. Sometimes I feel that he is literally, physically draining me. I'm starting to understand when other moms tell me that they wean because they just want their bodies back. Plus, it's a little boring. I know "they" say that nursing is a special time of bonding with your child, but honestly, when I'm nursing, I can't do a whole lot else. Sure, I can look at him and talk to him, but he's pretty occupied with the business at hand and I don't particularly care to prolong the process by distracting him. I don't fret about this just for myself; I really do worry that I should be doing other things with Jack instead of nursing. Like teaching him his letters, colors, numbers, manners, all sorts of things. So much of the day is just spent with me sitting there with him sucking away. Is that why he hasn't learned to mind me better? And as much as I want to think that I'm indifferent to other people's opinions, there is a (big?) part of me that understands why people find it arresting when they see a toddler walk up to his mother, pull up her shirt, and say, "Nurse? Booby?"

(Side note: That last bit was my fault. I should have thought ahead and taught him a less obvious word. I think I may have set myself up for some future embarrassment here if he starts asking for "booby" in public.)

But there are other times that I'm glad I have this resource. Jack is such a spirited child that often nursing is the only time when he's calm, when I know where he is and when I can count on him not doing anything to break something either inside or outside of his body. Nursing is the easiest way to get him to fall asleep for naps, it's the quickest way to comfort him when he gets hurt, it's the closest thing to a cure-all that I've got. Does this make me a lazy parent? I don't know.

I know that he is nursing so much out of habit and for comfort. I also suspect he does it when he's bored, overstimulated, or otherwise upset, which I find distressing for a whole different set of reasons. He is a great eater, so he isn't nursing for nutrition. There are days where I really want to wean or at least reduce the number of feedings. But there are other days when I think that I can hang in there for a little while longer. I'd feel bad denying him his primary source of comfort, and I know that he isn't going to be this little or need me this much forever.

It's an unusual enough dilemma that there aren't a whole lot of other moms I can ask for advice. I only know a couple of moms who are even nursing children as old as Jack, and it doesn't seem like anyone does it as often as we do. But I'm doing the best I can, and, like so much with motherhood, I can only hope that that's going to be good enough.