Choices

One of the things that has been preoccupying us lately is the decision about where to send Jack to kindergarten next year. Our school district has a choice program that allows parents the option to apply to send their children to a school other than the one in their neighborhood. It is a double-edged sword for sure.

It is great that we have the opportunity to choose which school we think is best for our children, but it puts so much pressure on us to try and make the right decision. I realize that nothing is really ever set in stone and that if one school doesn't work out, we can always adjust along the way. But we really are hoping not to have to make our kids switch tracks midstream. Obviously, we will if circumstances dictate we should, but we are hoping that it never comes to that.

So, considering that, we have to make our decision based on what we think is the best for our kids, not only now but 10 years from now. Of course, academics are important, and I would love my children to have the opportunity to learn a new language or pursue their interests in art, music, mathematics, etc. There are charter and magnet schools that specialize in many of these different areas. However, as Tom and I were discussing it, we realized that what we want most for our kids is to stay with a stable group of friends.

Our closest family is scattered throughout the country, and it seems likely that my kids won't have that many cousins. As our experience during our most recent Thanksgiving will attest, it can be really sad when you are on your own on days when it seems like everyone else has someone else. I can't do anything about my children's biological family, but if friends are the family you choose, I hope to be able to at least give my kids the opportunity to make lifelong friends. Neither Tom nor I had that while we were growing up, and I feel that we missed out and continue to miss out on a lot as a result.

Another benefit is that ideally we would also become friends with our kids' friends' parents. Surrounding our children with a network of caring adults who have known them nearly all their lives can only help as they start navigating trickier choices when they get older.

Selfishly, I also want to increase the gravitational pull back to San Diego. I can't predict where life will take my children. I sort of do hope that they will go to college in another state, or at least in another part of this state, just so that they can have the experience of living somewhere else. However, my ultimate dream is that they come back to San Diego and live close to me when they grow up. Obviously, I can't make this happen by simply wanting it. I know that relationships, careers, life happen. But I hope that the combination of family and friends here will at least make the decision to live anywhere else a tough one.

Anyway, with all this in mind, we are basically looking to put our kids on a track that will hopefully keep them with the same core group of friends their entire school career. We would love it if the friends they make in the primary grades are the ones that stay with them through high school and hopefully beyond. The problem with this, however, is that we have to consider the middle school and high school they will likely go on to after elementary school in our decision about where to put them now. It's so hard to know what to do.

But, as I do more research and tour more schools, I'm becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of sending Jack to our neighborhood school. I know that there is no such thing as The Perfect School, but hopefully this one will be good for our family.