Boy or girl?

As I've mentioned, Jack wants the baby to be a girl. Tom also would like a girl. I've been asked if I have a preference. Since today might be the last day that we don't know, I thought I'd share some of my thoughts.

(We've decided to try to find out super early, because I had another "Jack, what if baby's a boy?" conversation with him the other day, and he got actively upset at the thought. I realize there's no point in preparing him for an eventuality that may not happen, so I didn't want to belabor the point. But if the point needs belaboring, the sooner the better.)

Disclaimer: All these musings on gender differences are based on my general experiences and sense of such things. They certainly don't apply to every boy or every girl I've ever met, and I realize they may not even apply to my own children.

The short answer is, no, I really don't have a preference. When I was pregnant with Jack, I really wanted a boy. I had all these reasons why. Boys grow up to love their mothers. Boys are more work when they're little, but they are typically less work as they get older. And at least they're cute when they're little. Our boy would be the first grandson on both sides of the family. I'd had a boy name picked out for years.

Now that we have our boy, I can see the advantages of having a little girl. The biggest advantage, in my mind, at least in the short-term, is that I won't have to hear the question, "Are you going to have another to try for a girl?" This is our last baby. Period. Also, I have read studies on adult sibling closeness that have shown that sister-sister relationships are closest, sister-brother relationships second closest, and brother-brother relationships are the least close. Probably the biggest reason we are having a second child at all is to give Jack a sibling, so of course I would like them to be close. Finally, even though I feel that boys' relationships with their mothers can be, in general, less complicated and more unquestioningly adoring (and who couldn't use a little unquestioning adoration in her life?), in the end I believe it is the daughters who end up taking care of their parents as they get older. There is a saying, "A son is a son until he takes a wife. A daughter is a daughter for life."

But already having had a boy, there is also a part of me that feels it would be nice to apply what I have learned with this one to another one. I know there is a great deal of overlap in raising children of either gender and that all children are different regardless of gender, but I also see huge differences between our little guy friends and our little girl friends. While I'm no expert on boys by any stretch of the imagination, at least I have some experience dealing with them on a day-to-day basis. And, studies aside, I think Jack would have a lot of fun with a little brother. Tom was certainly closest to his brother growing up. Plus, I really like the boy name we have picked out and am only lukewarm on our girl name. (I think we are, however, stuck with the girl name, because Jack LOVES it.)

I had a co-worker when I was pregnant with Jack who had two boys and a girl, all teenagers at that point. When she was asked what the main difference between boys and girls are, she said, "Boys get dumber as they get older." It was a funny thing to hear, but for me, I think it shows the pros and cons of both. I kind of like that boys/guys/men are typically more transparent in their actions and their intentions than women. I like that my friendships with men tend to be uncomplicated and lacking in drama, but I also sometimes miss the depth and the warmth that exist in my closest, admittedly more complex relationships with other women. Of course, I realize the depth and quality of my relationships with my own children and theirs with each other won't be based solely on their gender, that I personally will have a lot of input in determining how well we all get along, but again, these are just general thoughts.

So I see advantages and disadvantages to both. We have a 51 percent chance of having a girl, a statistic I just learned today. Apparently 51 percent of babies born are girls. So the odds are looking good for Jack to get his sister. There is a 7:30 opening at the 4-D ultrasound place this evening. If Jack takes a nice nap, we may find out in just a few hours if the newest member of the family will be wearing Jack's old clothes or wearing Jack's old clothes with a bow in her hair.