Good-bye, Playtown. Forever.

It had been six months since our last visit to Playtown, an indoor play place that Jack loves. He loves all the toys in it, but he doesn't understand why he has to share them with all the other kids there. Back in April, we had a disastrous visit, and I've been scared to go back ever since.

This morning, however, we were bored and a friend said she was going. Jack had been talking about Playtown just last night, and I knew he missed it. His preschool teacher and his various therapists all kept telling how much he'd been improving. Even though I was still skeptical, I thought maybe it was time to get back on the horse.

On the way there, I explained to him that he would have to share and take turns. He said that he didn't like it when other kids got too close to him. I told him that if that happened, all he had to do was say, "Excuse me," or walk away. He said he understood. I told him that he needed to use gentle voices (i.e., don't scream) and to keep his hands to himself (i.e., don't hit or shove). I told him if he screamed at, hit, or shoved anyone, he would go in timeout. After three timeouts, we were going to go home. He said he understood.

The next two hours fulfilled every dread I'd had about going and confirmed all the reasons I'd been staying away. Jack didn't want me to leave his side the entire time. I made sure that I was always in eye shot of him, but if I ventured farther than a couple of feet away, he would scream and cry like I was leaving him to the wolves. And then of course, he did scream when children got to close to him. And he did not share when someone wanted to play with a toy that he was playing with, in, or around. I can understand not wanting to share if it were a particular toy that only one person can play with at a time, but he would scream if someone wanted to play in the huge playhouse they had there or play air hockey with him or otherwise use an activity meant for more than one child at a time.

The air hockey table, in fact, was the site of his biggest tantrum of the day. He and I were playing, but then one of his friends came up and wanted to join in. But Jack only wanted to play with me, and he pitched the biggest fit he's had in a long time. He lay on the floor and screamed and cried and banged his head on the carpet several times, enough to give him a nasty spot of carpet burn on his forehead.

The final straw for me came when he went in the jumpy. At first he was the only child in there, but another boy went in and was making Jack nervous. So Jack wanted to only jump on the side closest to me, and he started getting upset when the other boy began jumping on "his" side. I have to admit the other boy was instigating, because Jack then moved so that he was just jumping in front of me, and the other boy started crowding him. When I tried to move to the other side so that Jack could move away from him, the boy kept following me. But Jack was not dealing at all. He started screaming and pushing the boy with his body (technically, at least, keeping his hands to himself) and just generally freaking out.

"That's MY mommy!" he kept shrieking.

At that point, I got him out and we left.

On the way home in the car, Jack knew that I was displeased.

"Are you happy?" he kept asking.

"No, Jack," I told him, "I'm not happy. You didn't play very nicely at Playtown."

As we neared home, he said, "I'm sorry, Mommy." Pause. "Are you happy?"

"Jack," I said, "are you just apologizing because you want me to be happy?"

"Yes, Mommy. I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry, Jack?"

"I'm sorry, because I want you to be happy."

"Jack, do you know why I'm unhappy?"

"Because I screamed."

"Yes, Jack."

"I'm sorry, Mommy, because I screamed."

"Okay, Jack, I forgive you."

"Are you happy, Mommy?"

Oh, my poor sweet boy. Life doesn't have to be so hard. The sooner you realize that, the happier we will all be.