The darnedest things

One of the most fun things about Jack being three is all the funny things he says. Of course, sometimes he chatters so much that he drives me crazy, and I just want to tell him to zip it for a while. Especially when we're in the car. He's constantly noticing things or complaining or backseat driving. A random sampling:

"Mommy, you're going too fast." "Mommy, I want the heater on 80 high." "I want the fan on five or zero." "Mommy, I don't want that car next to us." "Mommy, I'm hot." "I'm cold." "Oh no, my Pooh bear fell!" "Mommy, I want lots of wind!" "Mommy, the wind is too loud!" "Mommy, I want the radio on 20... on 16... on 15." "Mommy, where's that car going?" "Are we far from our house?"

He's starting to ask us all the time, "What are you doin'?" For some reason, I find the fact that he says "doin'," not "doing," so amusing.

Whenever we need to transition to another activity, we try to prep him by saying, "Five more minutes, Jack." But lately, he's insisted that every transition time be six minutes, "because I don't like six." This can lead to some very funny negotiations.

A couple of days ago, we were at a playdate at a friend's house, and Jack wanted a turn with a toy that another little boy had been playing with for awhile. I asked the other little boy if Jack could play with it after he was done, but the boy said that he planned to use it for a very long time and that he didn't want to share. So I asked him if Jack could have a turn after two minutes.

"No!" Jack yelled. "Six minutes!"

"No!" the other boy yelled. "Two minutes!"

I think they both could have very promising careers working for the government.

One cute thing that Jack has been saying a lot lately is, "Oh, thank you!" The little "oh" in front makes it extra adorable. He says it if we give him an unexpected treat or compliment. We had one particularly terrible morning a few weeks ago where he was just being so naughty and I was at the end of my rope with him. And he knew it. Then to top it all off, that afternoon we went to an event that had advertised an appearance by Winnie the Pooh, and Pooh was a no-show. I was so annoyed that I had driven all the way there for nothing and afraid that Jack was going to be disappointed. But Jack took it all in stride and was actually much less upset about the whole thing than I was. As we got back in the car, I told him, "Thank you, Jack. You were such a good boy in there."

"I were?" he said. "Oh, thank you!"

Naturally, though, having such a chatterbox also has its embarrassing moments. Jack wanted to visit his little friend, Ryan, this afternoon. But when he and Tom got there, Ryan's father told him that Ryan was taking a nap. Then the two dads got to chitchatting. Jack interrupted to ask Tom, "When is Ryan's daddy going to stop talking?"

Then later that afternoon, we went to a restaurant for a late lunch. Tom slid into the booth beside Jack with me across from them. Jack told Tom, "I want Mommy to sit next to me, because I like her better."

Poor Tom. (This, incidentally, was when Tom told me the above story. I wonder what reminded him of it?)

However, to show that even Mommy isn't immune to Jack's lack of tact, he told me today - for the second time in a couple of weeks - that I "smell like potatoes." I'm not sure what exactly that means, but, from the expression on Jack's face when he says it, it is not a good thing.

Still, even though he (currently) likes potato-smelling Mommy best, his favorite state of affairs is when we are all together. Often, when Tom leaves the room, Jack will say to me, sadly, "I don't have my fam-wee anymore."

But the things that Jack says that I find most heart-melting of all have to do with the baby. Jack recently rediscovered these two toy flowers that my mom had given him when he was much younger. One of them has purple petals, and one of them has orange.

"This flower is purple!" Jack said, pointing to the purple one.

"Actually," I told him, "that flower is a violet."

"What is this flower?" Jack asked, holding up the orange flower.

"I don't know," I said.

"It's a Clara," he said, with a decisive nod.

Other moms had recommended that we get Jack a gift from the baby when she is born. Tom and I had long ago agreed to give him a Rabbit (from Winnie the Pooh) doll. Rabbit is one of Jack's favorite Pooh characters, but they don't sell a Rabbit doll at Disneyland. We got one off eBay and have it hidden for the big day.

In the intervening months, however, Jack has gotten really into the Thomas the Tank Engine characters. Whenever we go somewhere that has a train table, he will stay there almost exclusively. I've always said that I never wanted to buy Jack a train set, because they are so messy and hard to keep together. Since he never showed an interest, I figured I was in the clear. But he has gotten so interested in them that he pretends his other toys are trains.

Jack almost never asks for toys, but he has asked for a train set, so Tom and I thought it would be okay to tell him that the baby would bring him one. Now he asks if she's here almost every day. Last week, with the thought of the Rabbit doll in the closet, I asked him if he would rather have the train set or the Rabbit doll. Of course, he said, "I want both."

I told him, I guess baby could bring him both.

"She must really love you," I said, "to give you both a train set and a Rabbit doll."

"I want her to love me a really lot," he said, "because..." and I thought he was going to say, "I want her to give me a lot of toys."

Instead he said, "I love her."