Whine

"Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle."

-- Erma Bombeck, in her essay, "If I Had My Life to Live Over...," which she wrote after she was diagnosed with cancer

I'm trying to take this quote to heart. I really am. But I'm definitely to the point in this pregnancy when I'm starting to feel over it. The fact that I don't know if I have six days or 17 days left makes it all worse. I hate to complain, because I know I'm blessed to have been able to get pregnant and to stay pregnant. And I know this is going to be my last pregnancy, so I do want to cherish these last little kicks and bumps and rolls.

But.

I'm so uncomfortable. I feel enormous. I don't sleep well. I have to wake up two, three times a night to use the bathroom, and then I can't fall back asleep. Jack has been less cooperative about my naps, so I'm getting less rest during the day too.

None of my clothes are fitting right, even the maternity ones. If the pants fit over the bump, they are too big for my butt and keep sliding down. I feel like I'm back in grade school, when I constantly had to keep hiking up my tights to keep them from falling down. If they fit my butt, they are too tight over my belly. So I end up wearing pants that start below the bump. But the shirts aren't long enough to cover my stomach, so I have a swath of stretch-marked skin always showing. It's lovely.

The baby has definitely dropped a little lower, and I'm starting to feel some pressure but no real contractions. Since I never went into labor naturally with Jack, every little twinge makes me wonder, "Is this it?" Everyone says I will know when labor starts, so I guess if I have to ask that means it probably hasn't.

My most recent doctor's appointment was on Tuesday. I asked them why the revised due date. The nurse practitioner said it was because the disparity was so great. If the ultrasound had shown a difference of a couple of days, they would have kept the original due date. But the fact that it was almost two weeks off made them change it. However, she did tell me that she thought that this baby would be bigger than Jack. I don't know if that's based on the new due date or what. I really don't know what any of it means or what's going on.

Violet, the doctor comes back from vacation tomorrow. Your grandparents will be in town on Sunday. Enjoy your digs for three more days, but then please please please come on out. I want to see your face.