Life with two

These last few weeks have been extremely busy. Lots have happened that I keep telling myself, "I should remember to write about that," but then the end of the day comes, and I just want to relax and unwind. I don't feel that any given day is particularly hard, but the sheer grind of being the primary caretaker of two small children can wear me down.

I hate to say it, but I find that I have less patience with Jack than I would like. I don't know if he's acting out more or if I'm less tolerant because I now have two to watch or if I'm having unrealistic expectations of him because he seems like such a bigger kid compared to the baby - probably a combination of all three - but I feel like most of my day is spent trying to get him to do something, to do it faster, or to stop doing it. And he constantly questions me when I ask him to obey me.

"Why?" he always asks.

I try to tell myself that this is normal behavior and that it's good that he wants to know the reasons behind things. I say to myself, I wouldn't want to teach him to just blindly obey authority figures, even if they are his parents. That's how bigotry is perpetuated over generations, after all. I tell myself that it's good that he's curious, that I shouldn't try to dampen his innate enthusiasm to learn about the world around him. But then of course there's the other part of me that does want him to blindly obey - especially if it's me - to just do what I tell him to without the incessant "Why? Why? Why?" This other part that (I'm a little ashamed to admit) has told him, "If you ask me 'why?' one more time, I'm putting you in timeout." Especially because I sometimes suspect that he doesn't really care why, he's just asking as a knee-jerk reaction or a stalling tactic or a way to try to distract me from making him do whatever it is I'm asking him to do.

He still really loves his baby, which is sweet but can also be a little much. He always wants to see her. If she's sleeping on our bed, he wants to look at her. He always promises that he'll be quiet, but then he gets so excited that he can't help but yell or jump on the bed or get too close to her face or do something that wakes her up. So he doesn't get to look at her when she's sleeping anymore.

Because he loves her so much, it can be hard for us to remember that some of his acting out can be attributed to her arrival. Thankfully, he is never aggressive with her, but we have seen a regression in some of his other behaviors. There has been an unfortunate increase in his tantrums, which I suppose makes sense considering how he sees that crying works for the baby. He has also regressed in some of his social behaviors - missing cues when he's bugging his friends and being more territorial about his things (or things that he thinks are his). He's very interested in being first or the biggest or having the best thing all the time, which is really annoying to me but also understandable if I stop to remember that he wants to make sure that his place in our family is secure. While I try to keep all this in mind, in the moment when he's misbehaving, it can be so hard. I think the fact that we were doing so well for a while makes any perceived regression just that much more difficult for me to deal with, even though I know it's normal and I try to be sympathetic to the fact that having a new baby really is quite an adjustment for him.

On the positive side, it's fun to see him experimenting with language and figuring out how words and grammar work. He frequently makes us laugh or melt with the things he says. Earlier in the week, he kept saying about Violet, "Why is she so precious?" in a "Isn't she precious?" kind of way. He often spontaneously tells me that he loves me and Violet. He's been really into this CD of old standards that I had borrowed from the library years ago. It has songs like "This Old Man" and "Three Blind Mice." They have replaced the long-time favorite Winnie the Pooh songs and the recent favorite Thomas songs as his bedtime lullabies. I'm going to miss the Pooh songs (but I won't miss the Thomas ones).

Violet continues to be a sweet-natured little baby. She really started smiling a lot a few weeks ago. She'll smile at anyone who smiles at her, which means that's all we do. My cheeks hurt from grinning so much at her. She has also started to laugh this soft little laugh. It's different from Jack, who was just more extreme in everything. I used to be able to kiss his neck, and he was (and still is) so ticklish that he'd go off in a gale of giggles that was so much fun to hear. Violet's not nearly as ticklish, so we have to work a little harder for her laughs. She likes when I sing a certain Sesame Street song to her, when I do little squats while holding her, and when I get her to kick her legs - for some reason, those are the three most reliable ways for me to get a little chuckle out of her.

She is still much smaller than Jack was, although her cheeks have really filled in. At her two-month appointment, she weighed 10 pounds 9 ounces. I expect she probably weighs about 12 pounds now. Contrast that to Jack who was 16 pounds when he was her age. People used to stop me in the street to marvel at how big he was. I'm still surprised when I see pictures of other people holding Violet at just how little she still is.

We need to be better about giving her tummy time. Unfortunately, she hates it. She won't even try to push herself up. She just keeps her face planted in the mat and cries until we pick her up. She's a little better with the boppy, but it's still such a struggle that it's hard to keep making her do it. She also hates the car seat right now, which is a big hassle. It's great if she falls asleep, but otherwise it's really the only time that she cries inconsolably. Thankfully, I have the kids' car seats next to each other, and Jack can help soothe her by giving her a pacifier. He really is a sweet big brother. (Although it's not quite as helpful when he yells to me, "Make the music louder than Violet's crying!" Especially when it's the above-mentioned CD of "This Old Man" and "Three Blind Mice.")

It's really adorable to watch the two of them interact with each other. She is constantly smiling at him, and he's always wanting to play and touch and kiss her. He tells me that she is his best friend. It really makes it all so worth it.