Finally weaning(?)

I wrote the following over the course of a few days...

Sunday, October 26, at 11:14 PM

After nearly two years, I think Jack may be on his way to weaning.

Yesterday, before dinner, he asked for booby and I obliged. After a few minutes of nursing on my left side, I could tell he was getting lazy with his latch. And then he bit me HARD and continued to bite me as I screamed and tried to remove my nipple from his mouth. It was so painful. I told him that he gave Mommy an owie and now I needed a band-aid on my booby. I think that made enough of an impression on him that he didn't ask to nurse for the rest of the night, which I didn't even realize until after he had gone to bed.

This morning, when he woke up, Tom brought him to our bed for his usual pre-breakfast nursing session. After he nursed on the right side for a really long time, I tried to get him to switch to the left. I could tell his latch wasn't quite right but didn't really think about it until just a couple minutes later, Jack pulled off and said, "Band-aid booby."

A light bulb was beginning to go off in my head.

That day, we had a wonderful but exhausting party celebrating Jack's second birthday (more on this later). As it was winding down, Jack asked to nurse again. It was probably around 1 PM. I put him on my right side, and a few minutes later he bit me again. I got a band-aid and told him, "No more booby. You gave Mommy an owie. Band-aid on booby."

And that was the last time I nursed him today. Throughout the afternoon and evening, he kept saying, "Band-aid booby owie bite." And I answered, "Yes, Mommy has a band-aid on her booby because your bite gave her an owie." He asked to nurse a couple of times, but I just told him, "No, Mommy's booby has an owie and a band-aid" and that seemed a satisfactory explanation why I wouldn't let him nurse.

Is this really the end?

Even though part of me is glad that we are finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, another part is sad that this phase of my relationship with my baby boy is ending. And if I have indeed nursed him for the last time, I'm sad that I didn't know at the time that it was the last time. But I guess not every milestone comes with its own big party. Some of them happen when you're busy doing other things and you only notice them as they pass you by.

***

Tuesday, October 28, at 12:19 PM

After writing my last post, I spent Sunday night agonizing about what I was going to do if Jack asked to nurse again the following day. I realized that I didn't want to have my last memory of nursing him to be one that was cut short because he bit me. So I gave in a couple times when he asked yesterday.

Now, here we are at 12:16 PM on Tuesday, and Jack hasn't nursed at all today. Typically, he would have nursed at least twice - usually a lot more - by this time. But so far I've been able to distract him pretty easily when he's asked for it, which hasn't been as much as I expected either.

***

Wednesday, October 29, at 2:35 PM

Jack ended up nursing twice yesterday: before and after his nap. Today, he hasn't nursed at all, and he is down for his nap. He just let me snuggle up with him with my hand on his back, and he fell asleep.

I think this is definitely the beginning of the end, if not the end itself. I'm a little wistful, but overall I'm so proud of the way this has gone. I didn't let anyone talk me into weaning before either Jack or I was ready. Although there were times I despaired it would never end, when I second-guessed myself and my choice to continue breastfeeding, when I worried that I was doing so for selfish reasons instead of what was best for Jack, this has been an amazing experience. I'm not sure there is much I would do differently if I had to do it over again - except to teach him a more discreet word than "booby."

Bye-bye, booby baby. The Mommy formerly known as Nanny loves you so much.